When I was growing up, asking for what you wanted was not seen as a good thing. It was considered impolite, as though you were putting somebody out or being an imposition. If someone offered something to you, then you could say yes, but asking directly was different. It felt as though you were putting someone on the spot. I am not really sure what that mentality or belief system was about, but it shaped the way I thought about asking.
That belief shifted when I was working in one of my first careers in a sales organization. They completely flipped the script. Their whole mentality was that if you do not ask, you do not get. At first, that felt very different from what I had been taught, but it also made sense. We are not going to get what we want if we do not ask, unless we are relying on someone else to anticipate our needs or read our mind.
Retraining that muscle was not easy because I had spent so much of my life believing it was impolite to ask. Then I found myself in an environment where the message was clear. Ask for what you want. Lately, I have been thinking about that a lot because I am noticing it in myself and in others. On this Wise Walk, we explore the power of asking for what we want.
- What is your belief system around asking for things that you want in your life?
- When you think about asking for what you want, do you cringe because it feels impolite or uncomfortable?
- Are you in a place where you feel clear about what you want and need, and you are not afraid to ask for it?
- Is there something in your life right now that you want but have been hesitant to ask for?
- Is there someone you interact with consistently, and you find yourself hoping or waiting for them to offer something just so you can say yes?
- How can you flip your own script and get clear about what you need or want without being afraid to ask?
- What are the things you know about yourself at your core and have been able to express, communicate, or ask for?
- How does it feel when people understand what you want and serve it up to you, even when you do not have to ask?
- Do you notice how communicating your needs and wants can empower you while also giving others the opportunity to support you?
- How can asking, giving, and receiving flow more smoothly in your life?
- Is there something in your life, right now, that you need help with?
- What has been weighing on you, and where are you wondering how you are going to accomplish it?
- Can you journal, write, brainstorm with a loved one, or use another resource to get clear on the different ways you could approach this?
- Can you identify one opportunity, be vulnerable enough to ask, and then be patient enough to wait for the answer?
- What phase of help do you need right now, and who can you ask for help?
- Can you appreciate the sense of community that may rally around you to help you gain what you need?
- Have you ever offered advice or support in a conversation, only to realize that was not what the other person needed?
- Can you pause and ask, “What do you need from me?” or “How can I support you best?”
- Can you believe what someone tells you they need and show up for them in the way they are asking?
As we approach episode 300, I want to thank you for being part of this community and for walking beside me on each Wise Walk. Your support, your stories, and your reflections mean more to me than you know.
I would love your guidance as we look ahead. Please let me know what you value, what you want more of, and what you hope this podcast becomes in episode 300 and beyond.
In this episode:
- [03:31] I’ve noticed how the belief that it’s impolite to ask has shown up in the actions of my nieces and nephews.
- [04:25] Not expressing what you want shows up in little ways, and then it becomes exponentially larger with things that really matter in your life.
- [05:26] Knowing and expressing what you want gives other people the opportunity to be on your level.
- [06:44] Those around us get the satisfaction of giving us what we want when we express to them what we want.
- [07:46] Since my move, I’ve had to ask for a lot of things. One of the things I wanted to learn was how to safely drive a tractor.
- [09:07] I went to the dealership, and they helped me learn how to drive the existing tractor. The hands-on tutorial empowered me, and I made some friends along the way.
- [11:31] The other thing I’ve gotten good at is recognizing when someone is sharing stories, whether they’re asking for help or not.
- [12:59] Clarifying whether they’re asking for help builds the foundation of trust.
- [13:36] Sometimes people just want us to listen. What is the ask?
- [15:14] I will admit that using the muscle of asking can sometimes feel hard.
- [16:05] What do you appreciate and value in this podcast? What would you like to hear more of? Which episode stands out as meaningful? What would you like to see differently?
- [17:03] We are nearing episode 300 of this podcast. Let me know what you’re feeling, and what you hope 300 and beyond becomes?
- [18:04] This community is bringing people together and raising conversations we all know that we need to have.
Memorable Quotes:
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- “That muscle of asking, or at least being clear with what we want, is strengthened by those day-to-day routines.” – Mary Tess
- “When we are vulnerable enough to ask, we get to see who shows up for us. By expressing what is weighing on us, we allow the community to help share the load.” – Mary Tess
- “I know that what is most empowering for me is hearing from you and learning how these episodes either spark something in you or open the door to meaningful conversations.” – Mary Tess
Links and Resources:
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As a follow-up to last week, I chose to attend my friend’s 50th birthday party and go all in on that experience, and I’ll tell you what, it totally paid off. We danced, we laughed, we had some sentimental moments. It was just a beautiful thing. I haven’t danced in a long time and I love dancing, so it was really fun to connect with myself, and I felt even more connected to my friend and her family too.
And here’s the thing, I got inspiration at that party. I was talking to my dear friend’s sister, Ingrid, and she was sharing how much she loved her new gig. She had been a school teacher and now she’s working in corporate America, and to see her on the other side of that major shift, was powerful. She just looked vibrant and happy. Her choice to reinvent her career path and the action she put behind it, that is the essence of embracing change with courage.
So on today’s Wise Walk, let’s slow down and consider how you are facing changes in your life. Are you able to face them with courage, with tenacity, with self-belief? Because I truly believe that when you embrace change with the courage that already exists within you, you will get to the other side.
- Can you tap into the brave part of yourself and trust that if you embrace change with courage you will get to the other side?
- How are you supporting yourself as you explore the change you are being called toward?
- Whatever change you are seeking, whether it is career, relationship, a move, retirement, a hobby, or something else entirely, can you hone in on your intention?
- What is driving you to embrace this change?
- Can you find a way to move forward with courage, bravery, self-belief, and tenacity?
- Can you look at where you are today and commit to taking just one small step?
- Can you acknowledge just how far you have come with each step you have already taken?
- Can you recognize the power of your own ability to get unstuck when you feel stuck?
- If you do feel stuck right now, what is one thing that will support you in seeking the freedom and true independence that comes from within?
Thank you for taking this Wise Walk with me and for sharing your stories. I love how when we come together and get vulnerable, we give each other the gifts of self-belief, tenacity, and courage to move forward.
So tap into that deep inner knowing and muster up the courage to take just one small step today, whatever that looks like for you. And until next Thursday, prioritize fun, read the signs, direct your path, and get your Stride On.
In this episode:
- [04:01] There are many times in our life where we may feel stuck. When it’s time to implement change, we need to be careful with how we think about it and who we let influence our decisions.
- [05:10] Embracing change can be scary. We have internal struggles and opposing external sources influencing us.
- [06:08] True freedom comes from doing our own thing and following our heart. We have the freedom to choose and pivot.
- [07:22] Fear can show us that it’s something we actually care about. Taking one small step at a time can lead to big shifts and big results.
- [10:16] If Ingrid is listening, please take this time to acknowledge yourself and the life you’ve created. Thank you for the inspiration.
- [11:03] I’m also facing a change and planning to look at property in Northern Georgia. I’m drawn to this area for multiple reasons.
- [12:31] I’m going to immerse myself in the community, look at properties, and keep taking small steps.
- [13:08] I’m protecting this intention and not sharing it with just anybody. You Striders are important.
- [16:17] “I never lose. I either win or learn.” Nelson Mandela
- [17:05] When we embrace change, we don’t lose. We win when we better ourselves.
- [18:39] If I go through a change and make a major shift in life, I can always pivot if it doesn’t play out the way I want.
Memorable Quotes:
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- “True freedom comes from doing our own thing. When we follow our heart, set an intention, and follow through, that is very freeing.” – Mary Tess
- “Anytime I have fear, I go, okay, this is scary, but I know that this is also important to me. When I get that fear response, it means this is something I actually care about, something I really want.” – Mary Tess
- “We are so busy taking those small steps that we forget to acknowledge just how far we’ve come.” – Mary Tess
- “You already have what you need. Go after whatever your heart is calling you to do and see what’s possible for yourself.” – Mary Tess
Links and Resources:
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As I get ready to move out of my St. Augustine home, I’ve been thinking a lot about the value of our time and energy. I’ve been preparing for this transition by hiring movers, boxing things up, and letting go of what no longer serves me. This has given me a chance to notice where I’m spending my energy and whether it aligns with what matters most. Even a simple conversation with a mover helped reframe things for me. When he broke down the cost of their services by the minute, it really hit home how every minute counts. Not just in dollars, but in how we feel, what we carry, and what we choose to release.
In this week’s Wise Walk, we slow down and get real about the minute-to-minute choices we make. From relationships to routines to random clutter, everything we touch, physically or emotionally, takes a piece of our energy. Whether it’s a short but soul-filling trip to Tahoe or skipping a big party in favor of deeper connection, I’m leaning into decisions that feel true for me in this season.
- How often do you evaluate how you’re investing your time, energy, resources, and money by the minute?
- When you consider that investment, does it feel worthwhile and aligned with what you value?
- Is your energy investment fueling you, or giving you a sense of safety, security, or peace of mind?
- How does your investment by the minute make you feel?
- What do you want to own by the minute, and what do you want to delegate to others?
- Looking at your life right now, how can you protect your energy by the minute?
- What are the things you need to say no to in this season of life?
- Are there experiences you want to engage in differently to honor your current energy?
- How can you create space for more quality connections instead of quantity?
- How can you hold space for your energy and your minute-by-minute investments?
Thanks for spending this time with me. I hope this episode got you thinking about where your energy goes and how to make each minute count.
I always love hearing your thoughts, so reach out and let me know how you’re protecting your energy these days. Until next time, keep prioritizing fun as you read the signs and get your stride on.
In this episode:
[04:03] I moved multiple times in my life. I got used to hiring movers when I lived in Manhattan.
[05:43] I love the fact that I can hire help for this move, and I know what I want them to do and what I can do.
[06:34] I love this idea of what is our investment energy-wise or resource-wise, time-wise, by the minute?
[07:06] I’m getting ready to go on a trip to Tahoe to see my good friends. I know this will replenish me, and it’s an investment in our relationship.
[08:50] We need to figure out what the “energy by the minute” is that makes sense for us.
[10:47] It’s important for me to have quality connections.
[13:18] You can also look at this as an investment in things. These things occupy precious space in my life so I’m letting a lot of them go.
[14:10] How many times do we touch something in our life where it was worth our “energy by the minute”?
Memorable Quotes:
- “Sometimes, the investment itself is the education. You don’t know what’s worth your energy until you’ve experienced it.” – Mary Tess
- “Every object we hold onto takes up space either physically or emotionally. If it doesn’t serve you, why keep touching it?” – Mary Tess
- “You have to figure out what is the ‘energy by the minute’ that makes sense for you. What feels aligned in your heart, in your body, in your mind, and in your soul?” – Mary Tess
- “Moving is so stressful and so I rely on professionals to help me manage the things in my home that I want to preserve.” Mary Tess
Links and Resources:
Mary Tess Rooney
Email
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Heart Value
As a child, I avoided running. I was active, athletic and competitive, but I generally chose sports and their respective positions by the least amount of running required. In soccer, I was the goalie. In softball, the catcher. When I had to choose between field hockey and volleyball, well… I chose volleyball. By the time I got around to really trying running, it was because I had to, not because I wanted to. My focus was on fitness, not fun.
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Where do you listen to podcasts? Is it taking a walk around the neighborhood, while working out on a stationary bike or elliptical, maybe mowing the lawn or just sitting in a tranquil spot where you can fully immerse yourself? Wherever it is, podcasts have captured our attention by delivering education, information and entertainment.
Well, I’m excited to introduce you to the True Stride Podcast!
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“If your career was like the Olympics, what event would you win the gold?”
That was my favorite interview question in my corporate roles.
Sometimes, the candidate would just look perplexed, so I’d offer, “For example, I’d win the gold in managing cross-functional, diverse teams because I excel at empowering each team member to use their unique gifts to achieve personal and business personal successes.
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